Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
A+ Viking dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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