Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
