drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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