im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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