the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
