Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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