is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
