I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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