Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
