I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
