Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
