I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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