his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
