She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
