Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
