My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
