Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
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She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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