This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
