Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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