I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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