Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
