Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that's an acceptable place to lick
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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