That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's never too late to be topless.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
