How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
