If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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