I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
