before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
