What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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