Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
