Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
