So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize