You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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