I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
