Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
