9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
