you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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