Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
