Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
