She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
