Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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