youre lurking in front of me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
