Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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