Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
