Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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