My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
