I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
