I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
