Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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