Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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