Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
