do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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