I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
