just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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