Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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