dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
