I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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