i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I understand Curling. That high.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
