Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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