you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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