you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
