Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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