The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
