On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
